Wordsole

Sometimes I watch Bret Michaels: Rock of Love. I am not proud of it. Inevitably, I need to shower afterwards. What I really don’t get is why women find him attractive. Dude is busted.

He wasn’t always so cracked. In his Poison days, he had a dirty, rocker appeal.

Not really my type, but I get it. The muscles and the the insouciant smile. (Yes, I used the word insouciant to describe Bret Michaels. No, I am not on drugs.)

But in the past few years, he has started to…lose his appeal. To put it nicely.

The perma-tan. The ratty extensions. The Botox. The stench of desperation and Penicillin. Yeah, I just don’t get it.

1. Ocean’s 12 sucked my left toe. Whose idea was it to make another? Did Clooney need a second Italian villa?

2. Hey, an Oompa Loompa! Oh wait, that’s Al Pacino. Wow is homeboy orange.

3. Oh Al, I can practically see the cord from the phone that you’re using to call in this performance. Bad Scarface.

4. Matt Damon is my husband. Love the scene that looks straight out of a Bourne movie. Mmm, Jason Bourne.

5. No Julia Roberts? At least the movie got something right.

6. Don Cheadle looks ripped. 

7. Bernie Mac, you deserved better. I bet they were jealous that you were so good in the first one.

8. What is up with Ellen Barkin’s boobs? They look like tennis balls. Also, she is way too good for this part. And the slightly date-rapish scene with Damon. 

9. Andy Garcia has no neck. Still hot.

10. Elliot Gould’s accent is making me stabby. “I know dees tings.” Jackass.

11. Brad Pitt should never stop wearing a suit. 

12. Why have Vincent Cassel in the movie for three minutes. Waste.

13. Scott Caan’s facial hair makes me feel funny. In a good way. And Casey Affleck is officially the hotter, more talented Affleck.

14. Eddie Izzard is almost making this movie worth it. Kinda wish he was wearing a dress though…

Because I saw this and laughed:

You know, Senator McCain, if you could have answered that question during the debate, I can think of a few women who would have voted for you