Wordsole

I happened upon an article sponsored by Match.com titled 7 magical conversational phrases. I was intrigued.

Sadly, Match.com considers phrases like “I never thought of it that way” and “How did it go?” magical. Phooey. Below, I give you a list of 7 magical statements that don’t mock that word.

1. “Harry Potter is a fucking poser.” Be careful with this one. Harry Potter fans are intense. If you follow it up with an invitation to your next spellcasting, you might catch someone who believes in, you know, magic.

2. “Do you keep your spells in the freezer or the cupboard?” Real magic is not as simple as flinging a wand around and hoping for the best. Duh.

3. “Does the idea of a Magic the Gathering reality show intrigue you?” This is a good one for catching nerd chicks and dudes. Who are not afraid of sorcery.

4. “Did you know my ancestors were burned at the stake? Cause you get me just as hot.” Okay, okay, it’s cheesy, but maybe your date is a history buff. Or enjoys a good play on words.

5. “Sandra Bullock should have won the Oscar for Practical Magic.” Yes, the movie was silly and slightly witch-phobic, but she’s America’s sweetheart divorcée AND she got to create a last-minute coven from previously skeptical townspeople. Magic, people.

6. “My doctor tried to prescribe Lipitor. Psh. I take Wolf’s Bane.” Werewolves are hot right now thanks to the movie that shall not be named. And this one has the added benefit of tapping into the politics of healthcare reform. You might just end up with a political witch. Funny, I’ve been called that a time or two.

7. “I built a henge in my backyard.” You never have to tell your potential date that the henge is made from Legos.

See? It’s easy to infuse your conversations with magical thinking. The occasional mention of Gandalf wouldn’t hurt.

In honor of National Grammar Day, please enjoy this cartoon on behalf of all gleefully profane grammarians everywhere.

From a chat with a friend:

They have a lot of sodium, but I practically freebase water.

Apparently watching Breaking Bad has changed me.

From the Oxford English Dictionary

whip, n.

I. The instrument of flagellation, and connected senses.

1a. An instrument for flogging or beating, consisting either of a rigid rod or stick with a lash of cord, leather, etc. attached, or of a flexible switch with or without a lash, used for driving horses, chastising human beings, and other purposes.

Faith

Daria stood at the cliff’s edge and wondered why she was afraid to jump. “You’ll be fine,” her friends said, as though they could see the future. The surprisingly light pack buckled onto her body didn’t reassure her, but the Celtic cross around her neck felt heavy and protective. What had once been a pretty decoration and a whip to her flagging spirituality propelled her to take that last step. Daria closed her eyes, sent a prayer to a silent god and jumped.