Wordsole

Barely There® has a new campaign to help women find the right bra size. I say kudos to them, since as many as 85% of women wear ill-fitted bras. At least that’s what Oprah’s taught me.

However, I will admit that I laughed when one of their new ads popped up online:

It looks like a double periscope! Also, Amazing Answer Bra is a good name and all, but come on. That bra? Should have been named the Magic 8 Boob.

I saw two links. Not sure which one is worse.

I’m assuming that one of those things is EAT HIS FACE.

Remember those Styrofoam balls that you stuck together with toothpicks and covered in glitter to ace your junior high art class? She is about to eat one of those balls.

Oh, Very Demotivational. When you get it right, you get it oh so right.

I’ve written a few times about my contempt for PETA and their contempt for women. It stands to reason that an organization whose entire raison d’être is the elevation of animals in society would avoid the commoditization of women. Instead, they revel in campaigns that use women as sexual objects to gain attention and notoriety. While doing very little to change people’s minds. I’ve yet to meet a man who put down the burger because Pamela Anderson told him it was wrong. Topless ladies or not, the message of vegetarianism and environmentalism will never be palatable to everyone. That won’t stop PETA from channeling lad mags every time they create a poster. It’s too bad. Women and all the other animals of the world deserve better.

The alternate text for this commercial as proposed by the advertising agency:

“Hey ladies, we know that the idea of a common business transaction can send you scurrying under your throw-pillow covered beds like the 17 cats you will someday own, but don’t be frightened. Here at {insert random car dealership}, we’ll fill the office with teddy bears and pink roses so you feel right at home. Yes, we’ll take your money, but you’ll never even realize you signed a contract until your dad balances your checkbook and notices how much you spent. Stress free for the womens. That’s our motto.”

That’s right. Mr. Ron Popeil was born today. Wait, you don’t know who that is? Crawl out from under the rock and gaze upon the man who revolutionized the as seen on t.v. business.

And before you mock him for his over the top persona and cheesy ads, consider this:

In August 2005, he sold his company, Ronco, to Fi-Tek VII, a Denver holding company, for US$55 million.

Wow.

Internal Memo

To: Miller Marketing Team

From: President of Miller

Date: January 5, 2010

Re: Alienating customers

It has come to my attention that there are women folk who drink Miller Lite. Because, as ladies, they are incapable of ingesting anything that isn’t labeled healthy, lite, fat free or “organic”. This has to stop. Ladies shouldn’t drink beer. Not our beer at least.

What we need is an ad campaign that both mocks men for drinking any other “lite” beer but Miller and teaches women that their business isn’t welcome. My suggestion? Put a marginally attractive straight, white male in a skirt and have a lady bartender mock him. (I am not wholly comfortable with the idea of a lady bartender, as women shouldn’t work outside the home, but it will sting his pride more if a woman derides him.)

Please remember to include the phrase “man up.” It is imperative that people not forget how beer affects masculinity. Only pussies drink Coors. What’s that Bud? You’re wife’s got your balls in a jar? That’s right. Real men drink Miller Lite.

And if I have not made this clear, let me spell it out. Men drink beer. Women mock men who drink anything but Miller. Being a woman is the worst.

ZOMG, y’all. You know who’s super annoying? Brides. Lady brides. Lady brides with their demands and their dresses and their worries about cake. Brides are super ANNOYING. And anyone who has to put up with them should get a prize. For reals.

The name of the car in front of me was Stalker. I looked it up, and it is a Mustang. A Ford Mustang Stalker. I can’t imagine wanting to own a car with that name. “Hey, Mom. I just bought a Toyota Tax Evader! So excited.” “Did you see Bob’s new wheels? He got himself a Pontiac Homicide Suspect. That thing is sweet.”

I work in marketing, and I know the unbelievable lengths to which a company will go to make their ads seem personable, warm and family oriented. It is with great pain and quite a few laughs that I ask the question, “Who approved this picture?”

Maybe they were attempting that cute “Grandma, don’t call me wooby bear in front of my friends!” feeling but instead it comes off more, “Grandma, I haven’t forgotten the time you told me I was the product of a drunken mistake.”

Dear BMW,
I am not your target market. I drive a dinky Saturn Ion that I bought for less money than the average luxury car owner spends on a couch. And that’s cool. I mean, I don’t have power windows and locks, but the back of my car has this cool knocking sound that may be a ghost trying to say hello.

Having said that, I think Beemers are perfectly fine cars. A friend of mine in college had one (his parents were loaded), and I loved riding in that machine. In other words, if someone wanted to give me a BMW for funsies, I’d happily accept. Except now, not so much.

There’s nothing like equating a woman to a used car because she isn’t a virgin to make me feel all warm and tingly. And I adore the “she may be a dirty whore but she’s a hot, dirty whore!” subtext at work. I’ve said it before, but I’ll be a broken record and say it again. This kind of advertising is lazy. It’s played out. It’s not edgy or cool to objectify a woman. It doesn’t break new ground to make the woman=machine that you can use at will analogy. I’m betting that BMW would like to sell their cars to women as well as men, so maybe they should rethink an ad that so easily dismisses them.

Oh, and to the people of the world who wonder why hysterical feminists such as myself care so much about one silly little ad, I’ll try my best to explain. This kind of shitty, sexist tripe is everywhere. The ads that degrade women. The ads that degrade men. The ads that lack any creativity or fun but instead coast along on stereotypes that need to retire already. They are EVERYWHERE. And speaking up about them makes a difference. Even if the difference is infinitesimal.