Wordsole

Well hello. How are all of you? My name is Olivia Williams, and I am lovely. Talented and beautiful. Utterly charming in interviews. What’s that you say? You’re trying to place me? Oh please, don’t apologize, I confuse myself with Embeth Davidtz and Rachel Weisz sometimes too. If if helps, I played Anna Crowe, Bruce Willis’ wife, in The Sixth Sense. I was the object of Jason Schwartzman’s affection in Rushmore. Still no? I’m afraid I can’t help you. Rent the first season of Dollhouse and get back to me.

Despite the fact that a few of you in the States don’t know about my brilliance onscreen, I do occasionally receive fan mail from a Yank. I’d like to share the last missive I got, which was…well, both sweet and a little intense.

Dear Ms. Williams

She really should feel free to call me Olivia.

I have so enjoyed you in your many film and television appearances.

No mention of theatre tells me the writer is American.

However, I would like to know why you turned down the role of Lily in the 2nd season of Dexter. You would have been perfect for the part! I mean, come on!! The character is British and pretty and a little screwy. It was made for you.

Despite her rather backhanded compliment, I have no idea what she’s talking about. I was never offered a part in Dexter. Which is too bad, since Michael C. Hall is dreamy.

Did you watch that season? Because I did. Twice. The woman they cast as Lily may have been the most annoying actress on any t.v. show of the last 10 years. And I’m including Denise Richards’ guest spot on Two and a Half Men. She was whiny and strange and possibly drunk half the time.

Which is not true at all. The actress who played Lily was…method, she was striving for something. Perhaps, yes, she failed to bring any nuance or depth to it. And, yes, she may, in fact, be the reason that I no longer watch the show, but she isn’t to blame. The casting director who asked for an Olivia Williams’ type and not Olivia Williams bears the brunt of it. Isn’t it too bad really? Ah well. Happy birthday to me. If they ever decide to cast Lily’s mysterious, murderous cousin Rose, I do so hope they’ll get it right and call me.

I’m not including a picture or any interesting facts about the man, because I still haven’t forgiven him for creating the term “penis envy.”

You probably haven’t heard of Søren. He was a Danish philosopher who wrote extensively on faith and God. And he is imminently quotable.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Amazing. Only in looking back will we understand our lives, but we must push forward. Knowing that it’s a big mystery day to day.

The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived.

Remember that scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams schools Matt Damon on what it means to experience life? I’m thinking Damon and Ben Affleck read Kierkegård before they wrote the script.

Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all.

Nice.

I guess May 4 is the day that funny people are born (don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Pia Zadora.) Ana Gasteyer was often overshadowed by Molly Shannon’s one-note, grating characters. But she had such a natural, easygoing rhythm to her comedy.

Alec Baldwin deservedly gets big credit for this sketch, but Gasteyer maintains the NPR persona without flinching even when she’s saying the most ridiculous things. “I can’t help but notice, Pete, that your balls are a little misshapen.”

It’s hard to talk about Will Arnett without slipping into hyperbole. When I think of him on Arrested Development or 30 Rock, the words amazing and fearless come to mind. He’s the kind of comedic actor who never once lets it slip that we’re seeing a joke; for that he is fantastic.

I’ve even forgiven him for guest starring on an episode of Sex and the City. Dude’s gotta eat.

That’s right. Mr. Ron Popeil was born today. Wait, you don’t know who that is? Crawl out from under the rock and gaze upon the man who revolutionized the as seen on t.v. business.

And before you mock him for his over the top persona and cheesy ads, consider this:

In August 2005, he sold his company, Ronco, to Fi-Tek VII, a Denver holding company, for US$55 million.

Wow.

Hey, you know who was stupidly good looking?

Confession time. I used to think Judi Dench was overrated. Another in a long line of stuffy, respectable British actresses who never disappointed but didn’t light my world on fire either. Then I saw Mrs. Brown. She played Queen Victoria as a woman trapped by her grief who finds a soul mate in her servant, John Brown (the incredible Billy Connolly.)

Now, I kind of worship her. No more so than when she is going toe to toe with Daniel Craig in the Bond movies. Their chemistry crackles, and even though Jimmy thinks I’m out of my mind, I think they’d be film’s best non-traditional couple since Harold and Maude. I mean, the age difference isn’t that extreme.

And props to her for not letting her Oscar-winning status keep her from starring in t.v. shows. I love As Time Goes By. The cast is stellar from top to bottom, and every scene with Dame Judi and Geoffrey Palmer is practically a master class in acting.

Seriously, how gorgeous is he?

There is huge room for debate on this topic, but for my money, there is no cooler actor on the planet than Robert Guillaume. He starred in Benson and Soap. He voiced Rafiki in The Lion King and its subsequent sequels. He was the only black man to play the Phantom on Broadway and to this day, is the only black man to receive the Emmy for Outstanding Actor in a Comedy. Which is both a sad commentary on the lack of diversity on stage and television and a mark of his fantasticness.

Taking the above into account, Robert Guillaume is cool. But it was his role as Isaac Jaffee that elevates him above the fray (and The Fray. That band’s okay, I guess, but they’re not very cool.) Sports Night only ran two seasons (ABC should still be hanging its head in shame for that one), but RG took what could have been a standard boss role and made him the moral compass of the show. When he suffered a stroke during the first season, he not only came back to work, he had Aaron Sorkin write a storyline for Isaac that involved both the stroke and its subsequent recovery. And the chemistry he had with every single actor on the show be he or she main, supporting, or guest was impressive. For fun, look up an episode with him and William H. Macy. It’s like watching Picasso and Monet paint on the same canvas.

From one of his finest episodes, “The Six Southern Gentlemen of Tennessee.” It couldn’t have been easy to keep his big speech from becoming maudlin and After School Special-y. He nailed it. Shame on the Emmy voters for not even nominating him.

And just because, RG and Donna Summer singing “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”